Nothing in its purest form...

Nothing in its purest form.

Im surrounded by nothing. A vacant, foreign land, where even the indigenous do not take human form. I cant seem to make out anything, and My personality has been dissolved into a million misled pieces. I as I knew it, no longer existed. A life devoid of true companionship or trust.

This was the first realization, and the hardest to accept. I no longer had friends. I had not yet learned everyone cant be trusted, that always seemed an ideal that i could create. But time had not done its work upon our bonds, and really, everyone is shit. The friends you left behind, the ones you were sure you could distance yourself from, are irreplaceable.

Once i got through enough hardships to prove this, i began to accept it. I mean, if you keep getting hurt, dont you keep hurting yourself? You begin to lose that certainty you had in the capacity of men, the question i’ve marveled a so long, turned out to be a cruel joke. Men have no amazing capacity. We are too complex to be all good. And the ideal that anyone could be your friend, was shattered. I am alone.

And there lies the appreciation for the little things. The most basic, simple, nothing things give me pleasure, because i have no friends for distraction. No self to stand by.
My cigarettes in the breezeway. The elevator rides (for a 2 floor dorm). The niceness of a stranger. Cheap Old English. Memories and songs of home. And when it gets really bad, i cant even imagine what it is to be warm. Oh, how i miss the sun. Or the fireplace. Or my heating and hot water. But only when it gets really bad. I look forward to spring a lot more than i normally would. I wonder if I even knew when the seasons changed last year, if i ever took the time to notice it.

Perhaps solitude does have its perks. I see beauty in nature. But I am always challenged to see the beauty in man. So the little things just matter more. Little ways of peace when you have no one to confide in.